Beauty from Ashes...

I was looking over a friend's art (Lee Monts is a marvelous Christian artist...you should check him out at http://323art.blogspot.com/) and one of his new paintings, called "Fringe Line" is so beautiful, it inspires me.
Lee paints with such emotion and depth, I always find something meaningful in everything he does. Often there are even actual "hidden" symbols in his work - sometimes intentional, most often unintentional - that we have spent a lot of time finding and analyzing. Most of his work is very soothing to the eye, and has a calming effect on the observer. Some of his work is more intense in its representation of separation, searching, spiritual evolution, release from darkness or final capture.
"Fringe Line" looks to me like a view of a coastline, but instead of the usual viewpoint looking out over the ocean, this time the eyes are turned inward toward the tree line. The color is nice, the movement of the painting is great, but, to me, the symbolism that came to mind surpasses that.
I am reminded that, as Christians, we train ourselves to hope for the future, and we "press on" and seek "higher ground" and reach outward and upward, constantly reinforcing within ourselves that we are headed toward something so vast and so great it is beyond comprehension. This forward press is wonderful, and absolutely necessary for our spiritual growth and a righteous walk with God. However, if we never ever take time to look back to where we came from, we miss one of the most beautiful sights - the "fringe line" we are rescued from by our Deliverer is back there. Although the sinful state is not pretty, and hurtful to remember, the moment you step out of the trees and into His light is a SUPERNATURALLY beautiful moment. For some of us, this was a specific time and place...for others, it has been a gradual emergence, still others have experienced defining moments such as this more than once.
When I look back to a time when I could go no further and Christ had to pick me up; a time when I was too broken to move, yet, He moved me, I keep my journey in perspective. As horrible as it was for me to be in the dark, I am glad my "fringe line" is still in sight as a reminder that the same Everlasting Beauty that goes before us, has left footprints behind us as well.

Make Sure You Know...

Things are not important...PEOPLE are important. That time-honored catch-phrase "you can't take it with you" is so true. The most significant earthly thing in our lives on this earth should be the relationships we have. Before we consider spending one more dime or one more minute cultivating the corruptible, material temporary things we think we must have, we should adjust our priorities and make sure we have fully nurtured our relationship with each one we love.
Simply put...tell them you love them. Tell them they mean the world to you and more. Tell them how empty life would be without them. Make a lunch date with a daughter...call a son, kiss your lover gently and offer a back rub. Make a special dinner...when it's not a particularly special evening. Probably one of the best things you can do is purposefully set aside some other "important" obligation with the sole purpose of spending time with your best friend or a family member who means a lot to you.
No, you can't take that carpet, that china, that wide-screen HDTV, that special pair of boots, that titanium fishing rod, that Mercedes SUV or that promotion at work with you when you leave this earth. What you CAN take with you is the ones you loves, each one arriving to meet you in eternity at their own appointed time. But, before you leave this earth and make that journey...are you secure in knowing where you are going? If you know without a shadow of a doubt your immortality with the Father in heaven is secure, wouldn't you want to make sure that each person you love has that assurance, too? Don't just take their security for granted.
Before you leave this earth, make sure you know.

Laughing in My Sleep - WARNING: Contains graphic dialogue that may be considered offensive to some.

I have been told by a few people that I often laugh in my sleep. Now, I seldom remember what I was dreaming that was funny enough to make me sleep-laugh; usually the sound of my own laughter startles me awake and I immediately cannot remember what the dream was. Occassionally, however, I do recall the funny images. Such was the case last night.
First, I should explain this: Yesterday, Raychel and I had an ongoing text conversation that was so funny it had me laughing until tears were rolling down my face. It was, without revealing more than I should, a conversation describing smells so horrific that the most insane images and digusting thoughts were the only way to explain it. I told her that there was a smell that permeated a room and when I opened the door, it engulfed my nose; it was like "a decomposing moose that had been burned in a concentration camp; got up and vomited stale Ragu, then cleaned it up with bile and urine, then pulled out his own teeth that had chewed themselves...." You get the picture. Raychel followed that with another very descriptive scenario of a smell she had encountered that was even more unconscionable, and too vulgar to repeat here. It was like performance art - coming up with the most vile, digusting images we could invent.
So, last night I woke myself up laughing, and I remember that the dream was basically the images of the things we had described, and more. This time, the decomposing cartoon moose was so offended by his own smell that he gouged out his own eyes and put them back in backwards with the optic nerves hanging out and then proceeded to peel off his own rotting nose.
Now, before you think I am just a nasty, disgusting person with an awful sense of humor, you have to realize that these kinds of thoughts take effort...they don't just reel off my blank mind without some serious brain fuel burning. Or, as I said, they come through a dream, which is outside of my control. I can't help it that I happen to just be a very descriptive relator of ideas. It's the same characteristic that makes my "nice" writing so unique. When you read what I've written about "the soft green undulation of the broad leaves of an untended soybean field" in the south, or "the smell of tea olive and magnolia heightening summer passion" or the way "the sound of a screen door slamming in the distance makes my heart leap, for I know I am close to home, the whitewashed clapboard home of my mothers and grandmothers. Women of stature in pressed linen with work-worn hands softened by Gardenia Water and motherhood; hands that caress, shuck, scrub, write and steady a fine china teacup all in one day..." remember that the same mind that comes up with decomposing moose images, comes up with "anemic moon" and the sea "marking time with it's motion."

2010: An end and a beginning...

Well. First, I should preface this by emphasizing that there were many wonderful things that happened in 2009...my son has had the opportunity to experience Wyoming - a place I'd love to see; full of beauty and wonder and SNOW. It was sad to say goodbye to him knowing we'd be apart for a long time, but he is doing fine and learning how the rest of the world outside of our little state lives.
My grandson has grown brighter and more surprising with every word that comes out of his mouth.
My daughter, Raychel, has met the love of her life.
Meghan, Cody, Hayden, and all of us survived a round of Swine Flu with little struggle.
Rick made a law-enforcement career move that we've wanted for a long time...and started two additional careers along-side that; one a protective consultant business, the other a mission church. (Oh, he has LOTS of things keeping him busy!)
I had beautiful, healthy twin girls born into my extended family.
I have managed to lose 45 pounds the old-fashioned way, and it feels good. Still have another 45 to go.
My 2 year old grand-niece has had miracle upon miracle materialize to enable her to battle and survive brain cancer...and the trial of it has brought my family closer to God.
I'm sure those are not the only things that happened that were good...just some from the top of my head. I, myself, also woke up every morning, stood on two legs, ate, had a roof overhead, avoided accidents and major illness, and turned 46 years old. Considering the alternative, not a bad year, most would think.
Of all of the things that I prayed for this year, the one thing on this earth I wanted to be resolved more than anything has gone unresolved, and ultimately failed to thrive. It is something I have staked my whole life on up until the point at which it began to die. My fault, I guess, for putting my eggs into that flimsy basket. I didn't listen when the voice came loud and clear - "it's gone." It has been a learning experience to say the least, to discover that no matter how much you want something, no matter how important it is to you, we cannot control other people or make them feel what we'd like. You say to yourself, "if I just do this, it will be ok..." or "I just need to communicate my needs better," or "it just takes time..." when in reality, it was never meant to happen...and you realize you are the only one who cared about it that much.
So, with the turning of the year, one hope dies and another one is born; the hope of a future, the hope of something new and better. What will I pray for this year?
Lexie's continued healing.
Hayden's continued brightness and goodness.
All Souls Mission to glorify God.
My children's relationships to be better every day.
For all of us to grow closer to God.
An end to secrecy and deception among loved ones everywhere.
The recovery of my sense of self-worth.
Appropriate restoration of my pride in who I am and what I will put up with.
Courage to move forward.
Peace with the unfortunate endings...
and joy and dancing in the happy beginnings.